I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
