It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
