Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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