I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
