well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
