I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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