he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
