All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
