I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
