her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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