We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
