my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
