This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
