I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
