dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
