He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
