(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Holy sore nipples Batman
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
