I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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