Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
