your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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