I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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