He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
