Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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