Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Your dad touched me again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
