We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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