Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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