Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we're making bets on your personal life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
