I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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