help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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