do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
