Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
