I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
