i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have fence marks all over my body
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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