KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
