I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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