eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
