I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
