Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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