you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
