Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
