I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
