Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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