During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
