I'm going to rape someone's good day.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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