Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
