We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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