his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
