Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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