My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
