Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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