My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
