Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
