just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
