He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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