Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
