tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
