he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
