the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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