everyone is single if you try hard enough
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
