One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
